Dispatches From The Road – Part 2

Saturday, Aug. 22 (New York) – Sunday Aug. 23 (Canada)

OK, here's the deal – the reason I didn't post New York stuff while we were in New York is that we were just so freaking busy running around. We were down there for a wedding on Friday, and then Karen and I spent all day and evening walking around on Saturday ...

Yeah, I know. Cry me a fucking Hudson River.

So, enough of the excuses ...

In New York, the Mayor welcomes you. In Toronto, City Council makes you feel like a leper unless you're driving a SmartCar with biodegradable luggage and your own water filtration system packed in your carry-on. Carbon fingerprints for everyone. Please form a quiet line!

Here is a taste of what you can anticipate on your way into Manhattan:

Our first day in New York was for a wedding ceremony at 'City Hall'. It was actually held at the County Clerk's building. But same thing.

It gets busy in that place:

You see all kinds of folks in there, waiting to get married:

Sorry, ladies – lobster-pants man is taken. For now ...

Sadly, not everything is as it seems when you have a City Hall wedding:

OK, enough wedding observations. Now for the rest of our journey. On day 2, we started by walking from Brooklyn to Manhattan. Luckily, they had the foresight to build a bridge for us:

You wouldn't think there's much to see as you walk across a bridge ...

(Kind of weird - I DID NOT know that apartment buildings in New York are now taller than the Empire State Building. Lesson learned.)

This was a tricky shot since I had to climb out onto one of the girders. Actually what made it really tough: the cops, the firemen and the SWAT teams yelling at me to get off the fuggin' bridge ...

True story: Bob Dylan wrote 'All Along the Watchtower' after seeing this building. And he's never had a blood transfusion since.

When I was a kid, I had a Hot Wheels toy car carrier where you had to pack the cars like this. Man, If I had the foresight to patent that idea when I was 6, I'd be a millionaire today. And I wouldn't have been forced to do this stupid website. Win-win.

Karen and I had a disagreement about how to pronounce this. I said it should be 'poo on' and she said it should, in fact, be 'machine'.:

Guns don't kill people. Giant gun-shaped signs that fall on pedestrians kill people.

Dark times abrewing:

Out of order pic: here we are in Dumbo. If I had a dollar ...

This concludes the New York City portion of our tour. At this point, it was time to start heading home. Like on the way down, we saw a lot of this:

Oh, look honey – that's where we can get rid of all those rusting heroin needles cluttering up our trunk ...

Soooo close to home now. It was at this point I panicked and blurted out that we had about $200 in clothes and shoes, plus another $75 in booze.

The toll booth chick smiled and handed us the highway toll card as she said "I hope you enjoy all your shoes and liquor."

This shmucked up car ended up causing a lot of delays.

Luckily for us, we were heading INTO Buffalo, and not out of there. And that may be the first time in history that anyone, ever, has said that.

So ... SO close to home we could taste it.

Reality was that we declared what we bought, didn't make stupid jokes at the border, and we made it home unscathed.

A great jaunt all-around. But seriously, it IS nice to be back home and getting sleep in a bed instead of a car seat for a change.